New Christmas classic for the entire family...

The gods have a sense of humour or else we would never have had this beautiful song to cheer up our dreary holidays.

Enjoy!

Lady GaGa sings the ultimate Christmas Carol.

I wanna hippopat...hippapatim...cash....cash is good

Well, the count down until the glorious day is upon us! Christmas! Christmas! Christmas time is here again! Buy! Buy! Buy! Spend! Spend! Spend! Oh, and good will mutter mutter mutter give me give me give me!

I'm not sure if it's the lack of sleep or what, but I'm definitely finding this season fucking hysterical...I think it's the delusions. I've made the decision that this is the last holiday in retail. Period. Done. Finito. Skonczone. So, I'm gonna have a good time. Oh, there will still be cursing and yelling and tantrums and crying and drinking so don't you worry! Just saying that decisions have been made and deservings have been announced! That's right, deservings. I have many deservings, like being happy, having a social life (yea right!), not crying to work or drinking myself to sleep, taking a vacation without killing myself before and after at work and oh, being treated like an intelligent human being for starters. That's not too much to deserve, is it?

Hmmm, I believe that there is an evil plot afoot and I am not the head of it! I think that the cocky ass who I hired is out to get my job. Or my boss' job. Well he did write it on his application, so there is some justification in my paranoia, and he's a sneaky-sneak, very tricksies! Not that he could handle it, this is not an easy retail gig. No retail is truly easy, but we have to MAKE a lot of the products daily before we can sell them and there is a ton of constant restocking and cleaning, and then there's the actual SELLING of the product, which is pretty overpriced and non-essential. Yup, sound like fun, huh? So, Cocky Ass, or Buzz Lightyear as the AssMan calls him, is charming and handsome and so the villain in the story. He's the one who you think you can trust, but ends up not quite backstabbing you, but will not worry about stepping over your prone and not quite dead yet body to step into your position. I shall can him Gaston. Cuz it's a pansy name. Anyhoo, definitely think he's up to something..... Sleep with one eye open and a knife under your pillow I always says...cuz, at least you won't accidentally poke out both eyes that way.

Hmmm, managed to finish a book in all this madness (MADNESS! LIGHTNING! THUNDER!) Assassin's Apprentice by Robin Hobb. It's surprising what you can do when you can't sleep. It was a nice fantasy novel that was quite satisfactory. Check it out.


Speaking of sleep, here is what I will be dreaming about tonight....

I will survive.....

Well, another after T-Day weekend over. This year was extremely slow, wtf. We didn't make any of the goals this weekend and I ended up sending people home, which is very weird. I was in a fairly good mood, and the horrible customers were down to a minimum. We had a couple come in and they asked if we took food stamps in a loud and obnoxious voice. Luckily I was not there otherwise I would have thrown something at them. One of my new part-timers shamed them into leaving. From what I hear it was awesome! Yeah to good p-ters!

Boo to bad p-ters! Let's see we have:
-A flamboyant gay man...who only sucks up to me (no pun intended)- kinda lazy when I'm not there
-A flamboyant gay man who has been late 2/3 days so far...and has no initiative
-A cocky ass who should be a used car salesman....always has a snarky response, but hey, why not amaze us with hard work first?
-A college kid who was in a car accident after the interview but before her first day, we're hoping its brain damage, cuz otherwise it ain't good
-An older pro-retailer who I can't quite get a fix on...somethings not quite right

Now the good news...
-An older lady, the above mentioned shamer, who is a god send!!! WE LOVES HER!
-Hmm, tough to say one other pro-retailer who seems good, but we'll find out

Plus my core team:
Ass Man: yup he can take the abuse
PTKEY: good work ethic, she gets it
PTer: Oui, J'aime la Francaise!

Have 2 more days of interviews so we'll see if I find anyone else...

On the plus side, even though I haven't celebrated Thanksgiving in a while, I did get 2 leftover plates from 2 members of my staff that was big damn good! Lovely Caribbean curry goat and chicken, then some Soul food, homemade mac and cheese, ham, yams and collared greens, which was my first time eating. Awesomeness and props to my awesome gals!!!

Couldn't fall asleep last night, so watch a fabulous movie, Bedazzled,not the remake with Brendan Frazer and Elizabeth Hurley, who are both awesome, but unfortunately the remake sucks from what I hear. Now the original, brilliant! Awesome! Stupendous! Dazzling! Brilliant! Oh wait, I said that already. Never mind. Imagine Faust meeting Monty Python and you have a good idea of how awesome a movie this is! More exclamation points! Yeah!!!

A man tries to commit suicide because his life sucks so bad, but he fails miserably. Even the pictures on how to make the noose don't help him. In walks George Spiggott, aka Lucifer (but that was a bit too poofy for his liking) and offers to buy failed suicide attempt guys soul for 7 wishes, because its a magic thing, like the days of the week, wonders of the world, brides for brothers...and, well, hilarity ensues! How can you not love a movie where the magic words are Julie Andrews? I dare you to try. I'll wait.

Needless to say, I am gonna try to hunt this one down and add to the collection.

Ok, I'm tired and I've rambled enough for tonight...and a lovely image to end the night with....

A train wreck for Thanksgiving...

Well, it's the night before Thanksgiving and I'm catching up with Dancing with the Stars and I'm watching the Results show. Whitney Houston just performed "I wanna dance with somebody" and man has she gone down hill. Seriously, Crack is bad. Let Whitney be your role model. Oh and don't marry Bobby Brown. Seriously.

Happy Turkey Day!

Christmas time is here....

So, I've just organized the Christmas albums and I'm trying to remember my favorite songs before I listen to them ad nauseum. So here they are pre-season, and I'll do another round afterward.

1) Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley (that one's a definite keeper!)
2) What are you doing New Year's Eve? (not really Xmas, but seasonal)
3) Song for a Winter's Night by Sarah McLachlan (again seasonal, but one of my all time top 5 fav songs. period!)
4) Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt (Eartha Kitt. 'nuff said)
5) Home for the Holidays ( Great sing along, what the holidays should be like)



I'm missing a whole bunch...I'll add them later as I remember them :)

There are tons of great Xmas albums and I always get at least 2-3 new ones each year, some times the classics, sometimes the weirder the better. I have the Monsters of Rock Xmas album....Megadeath is all I gotta say!

Some of my perennial favorites:
Joan Osbourne: Christmas Means Love
Bette Midler: Cool Yule
John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together

Just a few to tide me over....
And now for something completely different!
Hmmm, Eliot....

A whole new world?

Should I quit my job that I hate and take a lesser paying one while I search for a 9-5 job that pays decent but not great while I go on the great quest of pursuing my dreams?

TERROR!
HORROR!
EXCITEMENT!
FEAR!
DRINKING!

Yeah, that about covers it....

Neil? Neil Gaiman?

Well, I found a new book to hold my attention. And I finished it already. Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman. I picked it up thinking, "Self. You liked Neverwhere and American Gods, why not continue on with Anansi Boys. It'll be good for you!" Now, I always want to avoid things that are good for me so I almost didn't do it (I'm so contrary) but I finished it within 24 hours. I love books that deal with the supernatural as if it were an everyday part of life, such as how I imagine human cultures dealt with their Gods and such. Oh, it's raining, pissed of Zeus again. Ah, got into a horrible chariot accident, most of forgotten to sacrifice...er a goat? A virgin (they taste better right?)? My first born? You know how it goes.... Neil has the gift to make the ludicrous seem completely plausible. I enjoyed the hell out of Anansi Boys, which I kept calling Anasazi Boys, cuz I'm smart that way, so I went into my library to see if I had any other of Gaiman's books. Lo and behold I came to an awful conclusion! I had no more books by him. Until I looked closely at American Gods and saw there was a bookmark left in the book. Now, for me that's not uncommon, I have half-read books with bookmarks stuck all around my home. But then it slowly dawned on me....I never finished it!!! Holy Shit, Batman! Yes, I have another book to read!!! And I started reading it years ago, around 2004-2005 so now I got to start over!!! YES!!! Ok, I admit I'm a little over-exuberant on this topic, but Neil Gaiman is worth it. Go! Find him! I'll wait.....


And while I wait, more husbands. Hmmmm...

Jayne! The man they caaaaaaallll Jayne!




One of my first...starting with Santa Barbara and continuing on to Without a Trace




Ahh, yes. I own nothing...except the visions in my head

Hello, I'm a Gleek.

Glee is one of the few things that is making my life bearable at the moment. It's just....awesome in the true sense of the work. The cast's voices are quite phenomenal and the songs that they pick out are great sing-a-long/karaoke type songs that make you belt along with the TV. Since I'm going through a tough time right now, it sounds really hokey to say that Glee is helping me out, but in a sad, pathetic, crazy cat lady without a cat way it is. Check it out! Its on Wednesdays at 9pm and it has been picked up for a full season. It makes me want to plan a cabaret....I would totally rock it too :)

Its a sad commentary when shows don't even have a chance for a full season to get it legs under them. Take Firefly....Oh. I don't even think I can even begin to forgive FOX for canceling that. And now Dollhouse is gone as well, though that got at least one full season. Pushing Daisies, ripped from us too soon...and now Eastwick is gone. Ok, Eastwick was crappy fun, but there's something about Paul Gross that does it for me. As a Mountie. Oh. Yeah.




Hmm... let's meet some more of my husbands....

Hello Salty Goodness :)





I like a man who can handle an orc or two...




Hmmm...dirty...



Hmmm...dirty in another way....



Of course I own nothing here, except my dirty thoughts....

Is it really the most wonderful time of the year? It's only mid November. I call Shenanigans!!! Can't we at least wait until AFTER Thanksgiving? Come on...

Customer etiquette tips from Emily Post...

Please, please, please, I beg of you, be kind to your retailer!!! We are people too you know! I firmly believe that everyone should have to work retail for 2 Christmas seasons, and yes people, it's fucking Christmas, not Hanukkah, not Kwanzaa, not the Solstice or Saturnalia (though that's where the modern interpretation for the date of Christmas stems from. Don't believe me? Look it up....) People get up at the asshat-crack of dawn to stand in line for a fucking Wii for Christmas presents....get over it. Frankly, I hate how retail has turned a wonderful idea into something so depersonalized and competitive. I LOVE the idea of Christmas, the concept of "hey, you know what? I'm a human, you're a human, why not just be humans together without trying to kill each other. By the way, here's a sweater I made for you." Notice it has nothing to do with religion or ideology. I was raised Catholic (13 years of Catholic schooling, if you couldn't tell) but I'm not a Christian. Frankly, never was, but I digress. The point is, you don't need to have the latest, bestest, shiniest, glowiest, gnarliest THING out there to show that you are loved, or that you love. It's about the human connection. Let's just be human. Is that too much to ask?
Anyways, I digress again.

When you walk into a store, you are expecting to get served. Well, we expect you to be ready to be served. So, straight from the horse's mouth, here's some polite suggestions on what to do or not do when walking into a store:

1) Do not walk into a store on your cellphone. Yes I know they're physically attached to your head, I love my phone too, but you know what? I don't want to know about dear Antonio who has been a good little boy, or the bitch-ho who's trying to steal your man (both situations I've actually overheard). Put. The. Phone. Away. Or at least, finish the call before entering the store. Do not try to complete the transaction while speaking to an imaginary person I can't see, then expect fabulous service. I. Will. Ignore. You. You suck. And nobody fucking cares that you're so important that you have to be speaking to somebody else RIGHT NOW! Cuz, you know, we all got them. And we all suck. So do you.

2) When someone says, "Hello, how are you today?", they're actually asking you a question. Now, quick grammar tip. A statement is its own entity and does not require any other response. It is what it is. Examples: The bus is late. Statement. "I love Hershey bars" Douchey statement. "$6.50 for a strawberry is insane!" Completely classless statement, yet a statement none the less. An interrogative is two parted, requiring (normally) at least 2 people. One person to supply the query, the other to, hopefully, supply information. So when a person walks in and I cheerfully say, "Hey, how ya doin' today?", it means you better fucking answer me, cuz other wise I will fuck you up. Seriously, it's not like we don't do this a million times a day. It's just being polite to answer. And don't ignore me like I didn't say anything and just jump into what you want. Oh no. I will stop you in your tracks. I will continue the above conversation and make you look like the uncouth jackass that you are. I will answer the appropriate, yet lacking, responding question with an insanely perky "I'm great, thanks for asking!" Shithead.

Well, this is just the beginning, I will be adding on to the list, but I have to stop at 2 so I can top off my vodka and pop some sleeping pills in order to calm down.

Well, I have had some time to read, which is shocking, but hey who needs sleep anyways? Hence the vodka and sleeping pills :)
One Shot by Lee Child was the most recent one. It was good, well into the series that I haven't read any of. Not sure if I would read any more, but nice plot movement, kept me guessing until the end, though the clues were there. So, I guess a B-.

Before that was Ice Station by Matt Reilly. This was an excellent read! Loved the fast paced dialogue and action sequences. Nice twists and turns, great characters. Definitely want to read the others. Solid A.

I just started Silent Bride by Leslie Glass, but I'm gonna put it down, because I just can't get into it. Gonna look for something else.

This was taken in Baltimore, MD right outside of the Inner Harbor October 2008.
I'm not sure what will be enlarged, big, big...but how could you resist taking a closer look!

It's that time of the year again....

Things I love about the fall:
Good horror movies
Bad horror movies
Pumpkin pie
Crisp nights wrapped in flannel sheets
The changing leaves raining down on you while you're driving on the Schuykill
A hot cup of tea that's been sitting for about 7 minutes

Things I hate about this same time of the year:
Stupid people
Stupid people applying to work at my store
Stupid people that I interview...

Now those who've never had to deal with retail probably think that anyone can get a job working the sales floor. You're right. Any idiot can find a job working the sales floor, but these are not the people you want to hire. In order to make a lasting, positive impression you want to hire quality people that take pride in their work, have a work ethic and are hopefully literate. You would be surprised at how hard it is to find ONE of those qualities, let alone all three. Case in point, I interviewed a young lady yesterday, she was peppy, and she kept up with me while I walked, so she passed the first 2 tests....yes I start weeding 'em out early on. If you can't walk as fast as an overweight, 30+ Polish girl with knee and ankle issues, then YOU ARE A LAZY BASTARD SO GET OUT OF MY FACE!!!!!

We sat down and I asked her to tell me about herself. Now, anyone who's been on an interview that this is the time to establish yourself to your potential employer, the proverbial official first impression. This is what I got:
"Well, I don't like to be treated like I'm not as good as everyone else. I've had issues with people not treating me as equal" "Um, ok." Let me translate: I want you to be really nice to me 'cuz I don't deserve to be reprimanded. It did not get any better after that.


"I see you started working at (store name). How do you like it?" "Wow, it's a lot more work than I expected. I mean a lot more! They even had me cleaning the vents!" 'No shit. What did you expect?'
"What accomplishments are you most proud of?" "All of them." "Can you give me an example of one accomplishment?" "The more accomplishments the better, I'm always looking for more accomplishments." 'Not in my store, sweetie'
"Tell me about a time you missed a deadline." "Well, SEPTA wasn't running, so I got there late." "Got where late?" "Work." 'Riiiiiiiiiiiiight'

Needless to say, no call back for YOU!

Anyhoo... back to other scary shit....

Rewatching the original Halloween. Jamie Lee Curtis, great heroine, you can learn a few good tricks from her and her mistakes.
1) Never drop the knife, even if you think your psychotic, sociopathic brother is dead
2) Wire hangers are very useful for poking people's eyes out.
3) Always make sure the kids are safe

heres a test

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